Medical Jokes & Humour

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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman -- already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet -- who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.


On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. Danny was an extremely nervous patient whose imagination afflicted him with all kinds of misfortunes that never materialised.

One afternoon he staggered into the house. He was bent forwards. He tottered to a chair and, still curled into a half-moon shape, dropped into it. There was no warning. All of a sudden I found I couldn't straighten up. I can't lift my head. A plumber attended to a leaking tap at the neurosurgeon's house. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon.

The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right! I too, didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing! An element of the admission procedure in the hospital where consultant Tim Westwood worked, was to ask the new patients if they suffered from any allergies. If they did, Tim got it printed on a special 'allergy band' which was then placed on the patient's wrist as a reference for all other hospital employees.

Medical Jokes and Humour - AbeBooks - Clifford Shawney: X

On one particular occasion Tim asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies. Our writers and professionals strive hard towards the excellence by providing world-class range of Books to our valued readers. Further, our range is quality tested on various pre-defines international norms and standards.

In addition, we also provide customized options of packaging of these books to our clients as per their various requirements. Have a requirement? Get Best Price 1. View Complete Details. Contact Seller Ask for best deal. Get Latest Price Request a quote. Share via. View Mobile Number. Call Ask for more details from the seller Contact Seller. Kerry told her that she better take her daughter to accident and emergency straightaway! For a headache, nothing acts faster than anadin. So I take nothing. The Patient's X-Ray Doctor Khan was giving a lecture to a group of medical students at the city hospital.

Pointing to the x-ray, he explained: "As you can see, this patient limps because his right fibula and tibia are radically arched. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. Will Rogers My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. Ronnie Shakes If you trust Google more than your doctor than maybe it's time to switch doctors. Jadelr and Cristina Cordova See more funny medical quotes.

More Clean Doctor Jokes - Keep Drinking the Water Brenda make an appointment to see her doctor, because she is worried about her husband's bad temper.

Medical Jokes

Doctor Thomas asks: "What's the problem? Every day my husband Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scares me. When it seems that Jimmy is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down. Brenda says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that? It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.

If they did, Tim got it printed on a special 'allergy band' which was then placed on the patient's wrist as a reference for all other hospital employees. On one particular occasion Tim asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies.

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The old dear responded by saying that she was unable to eat bananas. Tim received a considerable surprise later in the day when a very irate son came out of the ward demanding, 'Who's responsible for labelling my mother 'bananas'?

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Best Medicine? Will and Guy wonder what it that makes for a funny doctor joke? After all, medical matters are not an intrinsically humorous subject. We have come to the conclusion that for many illnesses laughter is indeed the best medicine, or at least helps people to cope. Thus we continue our quest for more doctors' jokes.

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Luck would have it that it was replaced, with a pigs ear, by doctors. They cut it to size and made it look more human before sewing it, invisibly, in place. Several weeks passed before Winston felt it necessary to return to his surgeons. When he did, Winston complained bitterly, 'Doctor, I keep hearing this noise and its doing my head in. Page 47 of the manual is missing!