Turning Your Soul Inside Out: Paths to a Joyful, Drama-Free Life

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Price, MD Show Description:. What if all things were possible with knowledge of how to re-work your brain into its full capacity? On the cutting edge of neuropsychiatry and neurology, Dr. Susan Stiffelman, an internationally respected parent educator, therapist, author and parenting expert, joins us this week on The Hoffman Connection. This week on the Hoffman Connection Mark Susnow joins us to share tips on how to navigate your river of life with the greatest amount of ease.

As a former trial attorney for 30 years and a survivor of a near-death experience, Mark left his law career behind to become a cutting edge thought leader, author and speaker. Seana McGee and Maurice Taylor know that a key ingredient to a happy, lasting relationship is keeping the fires stoked and the chemistry alive.

In this age of social media and connectivity, you may be wondering just what exactly your image looks like in cyberspace. And if you are, it is a critical question to ask.

Lord, We Need Your Peace

Jon Leland, Social Media and Marketing guru joins us to share tips, facts and the latest need-to-know information on how to put yourself out there! Adult children want to make sure their parents are happy, healthy, and peaceful as they age. Their silence leaves them feeling disconnected from each other at a crucial time in life.

Join us this week on The Hoffman Connection with Shannon White as we explore critical conversations with aging parents. We are living in a critical moment of human and planetary history where the future of life on earth will be determined by the way we respond to important issues such as deforestation, climate change, species extinction, social inequity and poverty. Join us this week on The Hoffman Connection to hear how one man is meeting the movement towards ecological consciousness through the earth-saving Whidbey GeoDome Project. It will change the way you look at life as you know it and the footprint we are leaving for future generations.

When intuition strikes, do you always trust it? No one knows that better than speaker and healer, Sonia Choquette and she is world-renowned for helping people tap into this powerful source of guidance. Join us live this week on The Hoffman Connection as Sonia helps you to connect to these sacred messages and learn to trust what the universe is telling you.

Confused About Love? What is it that gets in the way of most romantic relationships? Our childhood bonding patterns affect our adult relationships — over and over. Join us this week on the Hoffman Connection as Carista Luminare shares how simple, generous, warm, caring, and dependable love can truly be.

Did you know that we all have a field of subtle energy surrounding us that is available at any time for our healing? And best of all, it leads us to a greater sense of love and belonging. D dishes up how to find and define intimacy in your life. As a leading-edge consultant, life coach, counselor and teacher, Sirah has supported others in fulfilling their destiny for over 30 years. Have you ever worked in or owned a family business? David Bork is a pioneer in the field of family-business consulting and knows navigating these waters is sometimes no easy task. David helps us to identify behaviors and habits within the family that are unhealthy and destructive and how to replace them with constructive and cooperative relationships for a healthier, more productive business.

Ed Romanoff never dreamed before that one day he would be performing his songs on stage across America. But after a major life-changing transformation, he realized that he indeed had the power to reach beyond what he perceived possible. Now, an internationally acclaimed singer-song writer, Ed has launched his first album, is touring the U. Through pursuing his dream, he also made an unexpected and amazing discovery about his family. What exactly is the art of soul care and why is so important? Feedback and other dirty words is full of helpful insights and constructive interpretations of the scientific studies and data regarding the issue of feedback.

It is a comprehensive look at feedback and well worth reviewing in terms of both delivering and receiving feedback. Inside every struggle is a gift. Leaders share their gifts with others. We tend to not share our struggles or the lessons we learn from them. They are painful and very personal. But once he shared his story—his struggles—they connected, and it gave them meaning.

It not only changed the employees but more importantly, it changed him. He understood them better and became a more compassionate leader. His journey to founding and building the Populus Group is full of ups and downs. But every struggle left him with a gift he used to grow and overcome. The stories he shares are relatable and illuminate the gifts that will help you become a better leader. Enduring cultures are never enforced by a top-down hierarchy. Everyone lives in a culture, and therefor everyone must use their voice to contribute to it.

Own Your Part: Leadership amounts to wanting more for your people than we want from them. Always be a Student: If you want to be a wise leader someday, you must fiercely apply what you learn. You must also be selective when choosing who you will study. There are peaks and valleys—the business cycles we endure, the victories and pain points within an organization—that we experience as highs and lows.

And yet as long as our doors remain open, there is no final endpoint, only new challenges, problems, innovations, and solutions. Everyone you hire started their career climb before you met them, and they will continue climbing for a long time after their tenure with your company is over.

All of us are working within our own set of constraints, goals, and unexpected life events that shape our journey. Your job as a leader is to encourage the growth of your people and to appreciate their particular contributions to the ongoing climb of the company. Regardless of when a person chooses to strike out on a different course, celebrate your time together.

Life is a sequence of intersections, shared efforts, and differing goals. Welcome it into our lives as a tool for growth and increased meaning. Strength comes from our struggles. When you view your struggles as a gift, you will become a stronger, more resilient, and more compassionate leader. And yet, what is crystal clear to me after 20 years in leadership roles is that those ingredients, while important to success, aren't enough if you've forgotten the fundamentals of being positive, learning from others, being honest and the kind of person people want to work with.

I wrote the book Always and Never: 20 Truths for a Happy Heart , to help center readers on guardrails for living and leading at your best. When you step outside of these boundaries, your professional and personal life are likely to suffer, holding you back on both fronts. Read, reflect, and recommit to these Always and Nevers, and realize the kind of future you've been planning for. What you say and how you feel starts with the way you think.

The way you think about everything is in your control. Thoughts are like seeds that need to be watered and nurtured with real knowledge, by real experts and real friends. A curious, open mind lets in the necessary sunshine. Never forget that you are in charge of the way you think and a healthy mind requires ongoing fertilization. And then listen some more. Listen to understand, to demonstrate empathy, and to give the gift of your time and attention. Listen with your eyes as well as your ears.

This requires slowing down long enough to truly see the person in front of you. They want a sounding board, reassurance, and to connect with someone close to them. Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Confucianism, Christianity, and Islam all subscribe to a version of the Golden Rule in their religious teachings. The truth has everything to do with intent. When intentions are pure and not mixed with anything else, there is the capacity for truth. In your daily consumption of information and interactions be aware of sources involved and their potential motives.

People who spread rumors and half-truths are always recruiting new members. The ability to build and keep trust is worth more than anything else you can bring to the table. There is no skill, degree, or talent that can replace it. Trust is the connective tissue between you and every important relationship in your life: your parents, spouse, boss, coworkers, and friends. The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Take care of your health and finances on a daily basis. Make your voice the loudest you hear, and the first one you listen to about your hopes and dreams.

The compelling force for happiness and success in your life is you and only you. There is something you can do to maintain your youthful outlook on life—always be a student. Read books and magazines that broaden your horizons. Continuing your education in formal and informal ways will keep you young and interesting. They can be wrapped in fear or prejudice. Opinions can make people as impervious as steel preventing the passage to clear thinking or new possibilities.

Keep your mind free of opinions and focus on acquiring real knowledge. Be selective about people who hold themselves out as experts. The best knowledge possible is that which comes from your first-hand research and experiences. Get the facts before you make big purchases, cast your vote, or try to influence others. Allow yourself to see mistakes in a whole new light.

Learn from them, and one day, your mistakes will provide material for the stories you tell, your heartfelt advice to others and your expanding book of self-confidence. Always forgive yourself and others for making mistakes. Make decisions based on the best information you have and be confident you will be able to handle the outcome. If you want to be known as a team player, to be included in big projects and considered for promotion, look for ways to acknowledge others and their contributions.

In fact, the group is always smarter than any one person, so why not embrace it and say so. When you make co-workers feel a part of something, they are inspired to do their best. People who inspire are literally pushed up the ladder by their peers. These principles come to you as a loving reminder, moment of reassurance, and reaffirmation of all that is important today and will be for the rest of your life. It comes from someone who has learned through experience these change-proof concepts the hard way. I hope you'll share them with those you love. I hope it brings you comfort, joy and all the blessings of a life well-lived.

J ERRY COLONNA helps start-up CEOs make peace with their demons, the psychological habits and behavioral patterns that have helped them to succeed—molding them into highly accomplished individuals—yet have been detrimental to their relationships and ultimate well-being. He states that much of what he has learned about growing up came from learning to lead.

Reboot is a peak into his life and the lives of leaders as they come to terms with who they are and what is holding them back. Who we are shows up in our leadership. Sometimes we use the organizations we lead to make ourselves feel better about our unresolved issues. The back of the warrior is strengthened by knowledge of knowing the right thing to do. The soft, open heart is made resilient by remembering who you are, what you have come through, and how those things combine to make you unique as a leader.

Learning to leader yourself is hard because it requires us to look at the reality of all that we are—not to fix blame on ourselves but to understand with clarity what is really happening in our lives. Learning to lead yourself is hard because it is painful. There it is. That same old haunting belief system. But the spinning prevents us from being who we really are. False grit is brittle. False grit is dangerous. It feeds a stubbornness that, in turn, can feed delusion.

We mistake the tendency to delude ourselves that our relationship will improve, our companies will succeed, if only we double down on our old patterns, grip the steering wheel until our knuckles whiten, and bear down. Stubbornness is not the hallmark of the warrior. Leaders who persist out of stubbornness, believing themselves to be gritty, are at best delusional and, at worst, reckless. True grit is persistent. True grit acknowledges the potential of failure, embraces the fear of disappointment, and rallies the team to reach and try, regardless of the potential of loss.

True grit, the capacity to stick with something to the end, stems from knowing oneself well enough to be able to forgive oneself. To have inquired deeply and steadily enough to find the deep sense of purpose that is beyond a personal mission statement. In that knowing of oneself, one is then able to stand as a single, warrior amid a community of brokenhearted fellow leaders.

Grace, in a secular sense—that is on a human level—is about perspective. A perspective larger than ourselves. A perspective that reaches to a purpose beyond who we are alone. In short, our connectedness. Grace is a critical part of who great leaders should be. Grace is something all leaders should model for the benefit of those around them so that it spreads to society in general.

Love, sacrifice, truth, and courage are virtues made actionable by grace. We may be disposed to do what is right; grace gives us the impetus to act upon doing it. Grace then becomes the inspiration for treating individuals with generosity, respect, and compassion. It manifests itself as action in the name of others, and it energizes us to act upon our beliefs. To help us better understand grace and to help us intentionally apply it in our leadership, Baldoni explores grace from five perspectives with this acronym :. G is for Generosity : the will to do something for others.

R is for Respect : the dignity of life and work. A is for Action : the mechanism for change. C is for Compassion : the concern for others. E is for Energy : the spirit that catalyzes us. Gracious people give of themselves. Gracious people leverage who they are and what they have for the benefit of others. Gracious leaders share time, knowledge, and power. They cultivate a selfless approach to life. Generosity emanates from an abundance mindset. A selfless person, even in the midst of personal adversity, can find something to share with others.

That attitude is contagious. Self-awareness opens the door to respect for others. A fully self-aware person knows her faults as well as her strengths. Such awareness compels the self to acknowledge the dignity of others. Respect and self-respect fuel each other. They grow together. Grace is intentional. A reactive mind rarely manifests grace. While grace that has been shown to us comes freely, it requires effort for us to generate it ourselves.

Grace means rising above a perceived slight. Grace is often manifested in clarity of purpose and civility. Civility is a decision we make. They focus not on themselves, but on the needs of others—on healing. Gracious people have the capacity to forgive and show mercy. Gratitude enables compassion—both gratitude expressed and felt. We need to reframe our lives with a constant awareness of just how important feeling gratitude within ourselves is because it actually helps our overall well-being.

Grace requires energy. In forgiveness, mercy, joy, and humor. When we demonstrate grace in our leadership, it spills into other areas of our life as well because it is an approach to life. Our example encourages others to begin to think that way as well. Grace—in all of the dimensions Baldoni explores in this book—is a value that has fallen on hard times. It is time to revive it in our personal lives, in the workplace, social media, and in public discourse. Grace celebrates grace as well as advocates for it.

Baldoni shares many examples of people from all walks of life who demonstrate grace in their lives. They are an inspiration to us all. Grace reduces the space between us. Our environment often pushes us into negativity; into the differences between us. Grace intentionally overlooks the negative and leverages the positive. It finds the connection and promotes it. Baldoni breaks the often intangible idea of grace into down-to-earth actionable behaviors that we can all intentionally implement into our lives. You will find a self-assessment tool of 20 questions to help you take an honest look at how much you have allowed grace to fill your thoughts and behaviors.

Charles Fred initiated a study of over post-startup business to find out why, after they had experienced early growth, had stagnated. What the researchers found is a problem in the way employees approached their roles, solved problems, and interacted with each other; poor-performing firms showed working environments of intense stress. Our culture baits us into a non-stop frantic pace with the inevitable unintentional behaviors. Many leaders believe that they are just setting the bar for high performance. So, when we require mental acuity, we experience diminished recall.

When we need sharp thinking and problem-solving, our minds are full. Into this environment, Charles Fred introduces a leadership discipline that inserts pause and calls it The 24 Hour Rule. Pause is not a delay but a discipline. It allows us to control how we respond and react to others, whether it takes five seconds or 24 hours. Most importantly, it does not delay our ambitions or dampen the need to hustle. Instead, we begin each day with unknown situations, variables well beyond our ability to plan and prepare.

For these reasons, a leader must use self-discipline—the ability to mentally call a time-out, to get rest, to run through a checklist—despite overwhelming temptations to quickly react or respond without doing so. It is the one thing we have complete control over. When we look at the highlight reel of successful people, it gives us the impression that they are always on—always producing.

As we watch from the sidelines, we create for ourselves a false set of expectations. We introduce unnecessary stress into our lives and work as we try to keep up. Top producers insert pause into their work. We need the self-discipline to do the same by letting go of a false ideal. The 24 Hour Rule is a well thought out and well-executed booklet.

Fred provides three steps for building self-discipline around pause. It is a quick read but one that is worth spending some time thinking about. Productivity is not about doing more faster. We undermine our potential when we try to do everything. Freedom to focus, Freedom to be present.

Freedom to be spontaneous. Freedom to do nothing. To that end, Michael Hyatt presents in Free to Focus , 9 actions grouped into 3 steps. To start, you must stop. Formulate : What do you want your life to look like? What matters to you most. What does that look like for you? Evaluate : Where are you now?

What should you be doing? Evaluate what you do and could do based on two key criteria: passion and proficiency. The desire zone is where your passion and proficiency intersect and where you can make the greatest contribution. Obviously, this is where you want to be functioning most of the time. Hyatt adds a fifth zone called the Development Zone. This is an area where you are passionate about and developing a proficiency, or passionate about but not yet proficient.

We need to evaluate all of our tasks and place them in the appropriate zone. Rejuvenate : Make time to rejuvenate. We can increase the energy we direct at our why when we sleep, eat right, move, connect, play, reflect, and unplug. Eliminate : Every yes contains a no. Time is a zero-sum game. Then go find it. Delegate : Should I be doing this job at all? Tasks in your Drudgery and Disinterest Zones should be delegated. The items in your Distraction Zone may be harder to let loose of since you enjoy them even though you are not the most proficient at them.

Better to give them over to someone who can do them much better. If you have more than you can handle in your Desire Zone, you should look at delegating some of those too. So, while delegation does, in fact, take more time on the front end, it will save you an enormous amount of time every instance after that.

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Consolidate : Harness the power of MegaBatching. In those dedicated blocks of time, I truly am free to focus on the thing that matters most at that moment. Designate : Decide what needs to be done now and what can be done later. Plan your ideal week. Designate the what and when of your week and day. Limit instant communications by turning off your notifications.

Set boundaries by letting people know in advance that you are going offline for a period of time to focus. Use technology to block technology. Listen to the right background music. Take charge of your day. Free to Focus is one of the best books you will read in order to take control of your life. You will find downloadable tools for each step of the process. To some, this comes naturally. Others must constantly work on it. Since my earliest memory, I have had the sense that anything worth doing… worth pursuing… must be passionately pursued.

A positive attitude naturally follows. I found myself first assuming leadership responsibilities at age 14 when I became an Eagle Scout. For me, getting there was just a mountain to climb. It was the culmination of 21 merit badges and a large community project.

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It was the excitement of the journey, the arrival at a destination, and the achievement of the reward. For me, at 14 years old, it was like reaching the top of Mount Everest but with no real thought or plan on how I was going to get back down… the part of the climb where most people die. But it did help jump-start a lifelong journey to develop and sharpen my leadership skills—a journey that really never ends.

Great leaders constantly deal with the struggle between achieving personal goals, while doing so with humility. In high school, I held leadership roles in school government and on the sports field. My agreement sealed my fate. All these experiences helped shape my thinking about, and commitment to, leadership because people started to turn to me to lead. I had the right attitude throughout these early years. However, there came a period in college when I lost my way. My attendance at Purdue was facilitated by an Army ROTC scholarship, at a time when the Vietnam War was stoking nationwide protests across nearly every college campus.

Compared to other campuses, Purdue was a fairly conservative school, but we had a chapter of the Students for Democratic Society SDS , and they regularly protested the war on the mall or at the Armory. I had mixed feelings about the war when I arrived at Purdue in , having spent most of my high school years in Europe—insulated from the anti-war movement.

But since I had an ROTC scholarship and my dad was retiring from the Air Force and starting law school about the same time I entered college, I felt an obligation to stay in a program that was paying my way. I also worked 4 hours each evening Monday - Friday as a janitor, cleaning the second floor of the university library to help make ends meet.

Just walking across campus in uniform to attend military drills drew unwanted attention. So, when the annual Army ROTC awards ceremony occurred in the spring of my freshman year , and knowing that I was not an award recipient, I decided to skip the ceremony and attend the SDS rally in the mall instead.

Upon arriving at the armory, they broke open the large truck-sized doors and entered, chanting loud and strong. State troopers in riot gear soon arrived to keep the protesters away from the formation of cadets. He called me in the following morning and told me that my scholarship was being put on probation. This was a wakeup call for me, and it began the reshaping of my attitude.

I had to decide which side to be on. I came to realize that I wanted to be a leader more than a protestor. Like some other Americans, I may have thought that the Vietnam War was ill-advised, but I also realized that there were alternative ways to make my mark on the world.

When ROTC summer camp training rolled around between my junior and senior year, I spent nine weeks at Fort Riley and did well enough to become the third-ranking cadet at Purdue during my senior year. Upon graduation from Purdue in , I was one of six cadets designated a Distinguished Military Graduate. You need building blocks to realize that dream. During those early years at Purdue—at least as it applied to an Army career—I lacked ambition, a good self-awareness, and perseverance. I simply knew that I owed four years to the Army after graduation because of my scholarship, but after that, I thought I could move on to something else.

Consider, for example, all the other concepts that courage connects to in workplace settings. Innovation takes courage because it requires creating ideas that are ground-breaking and tradition-defying; great ideas always start out as blasphemy! And sales always take courage because it requires knocking on the doors of prospects over and over in the face of rejection. Having a way of categorizing courageous behavior allows you to pinpoint the exact type of courage that each individual worker may be most in need of building.

The first bucket of courage is TRY Courage. TRY Courage is the courage of action. It is the courage of initiative. TRY Courage requires you to exert energy in order to overcome inertia. You experience your TRY Courage whenever you must attempt something for the very first time, as when you cross over a threshold that other people may have already crossed over.

First attempts; for example, the first time you lead an important strategic initiative for the company. Pioneering efforts, such as leading an initiative that your organization has never done before. Taking action. All courage buckets come with a risk, and the risk is what causes people to avoid behaving with courage.

The risk associated with TRY Courage is that your courageous actions may harm you, and, perhaps more importantly, other people. If you act on the risk and wipe out, not only are you likely to be hurt, but you could also potentially harm those around you. It is the risk of harming yourself or others that most commonly causes people to avoid exercising their TRY Courage. TRUST Courage is very hard for people who tend to be controlling and those who have been burned by trusting people in the past.

Following the lead of others, such as letting a direct report facilitate your meeting. Presuming positive intentions and giving team members the benefit of the doubt. By trusting others, you open yourself up to the possibility of your trust being misused. Thus, many people, especially those who have been betrayed in the past, find offering people trust very difficult.

For them, entrusting others is an act of courage. TELL Courage is what is needed to tell the truth, regardless of how difficult that truth may be for others to hear.

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  • It is the courage to not bite your tongue when you feel strongly about something. TELL Courage requires independence of thought. Speaking up and asserting yourself when you feel strongly about an issue. Using constructive confrontation, such as providing difficult feedback to a peer, direct report, or boss. TELL Courage can be scary and comes with risks too. Courage is Contagious. Understanding and influencing courageous behavior requires that you be well versed in the different ways that people behave when their courage is activated.

    By acting in a way that demonstrates these different types of courage, and by fostering an environment that encourages them, you can make your company culture a courageous one where employees innovate and grow both personally and professionally. A former member of the U. High Diving Team, Bill is considered the originator of the new organizational development practice of courage-building. Department of Veterans Affairs. The only questions are what and how much.

    Poor choices lead you into failure, and good choices take you out of failure. Nobody likes failure. We are lead to believe that failure means that there is something wrong with us. Failure simply represents a challenge; not something to avoid. We crave certainty, and that feeds our fears. The lesson of Fail More is to keep going. But your purpose will compel you to keep going, adapt, and grow. Rowling, David Neeleman, and other well-known and not so well-known individuals, but he includes his own experiences that give it depth and credibility.

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    Fail More will help you to work past your fears, the obstacles, set realistic goals, and learn from every result. Success is a process, and failure is part of that process. Failure gives you the critical feedback you need to make the necessary adjustments to bring you closer to your goal. Life serves adversity as a barrier to entry in the pursuit of happiness.. Look within as you work to create value for people by first becoming of value to yourself..

    Enjoy the fruits of your labor while you are engaged in their pursuit. We all start at a place where we need to improve if we are going to succeed on a more significant scale. Procrastination, lack of prioritization, and the absence of goals all have their origins in fear.

    In order to get what you want, you have to do those things that give you the confidence to do just a little bit more the next day. Thomas Jefferson was skilled in many fields. In December , John F.

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    Jefferson dined here alone. Jefferson cared for people and always offered advice when asked. A year before his death, he was asked by a father to give some counsel to his young son, Thomas Jefferson Smith. He responded with a letter that began:. Monticello Feb. Th: Jefferson to Th: Jefferson Smith. The letter concluded with ten rules to live by Jefferson titled A Decalogue of Canons for observation in practical life :.

    Never put off till tomorrow what you can do to-day. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself. Never spend your money before you have it. Never buy a what you do not want, because it is cheap; it will be dear to you. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst and cold. We never repent of having eaten too little. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.

    How much pain have cost us the evils which have never happened! Take things always by their smooth handle. When angry, count ten, before you speak; if very angry, an hundred. The complete letter can be found on the National Archives website. Like us on Instagram and Facebook for additional leadership and personal development ideas. H OW DO YOU stand out in your chosen occupation to get the respect, recognition, and opportunities you want and deserve, to achieve the success you want? Leadership and life are built on relationships. Despite any talent or education you may have, your ability to work with and influence others is what will set you apart.

    You need a plan. Why am I here? You are not a victim. A specific purpose helps you also to align your actions to the purpose of others and your organization. It is nearly impossible to make good life choices with no self-awareness. A good place to get self-awareness is to watch the behavior of others.

    Often the behaviors that irritate you are mirrors of your own life. How do you impact others? Before you interact with others, begin by asking what is the desired result based on who I am, my purpose, and who I want to be? We have an impact on everyone we meet. For example, I had my triggers during the day in an empty house, when I felt alone. A friend of mine had hers when it was dark out early in the day. It reminded her of when she had to go home afterschool and he dad would be there all crazy and drunk.

    So begin to mark down the details of when you are most triggered. Keep a detailed account and look for any consistent patterns. What time is it? Where are you? Is it a location? A type of situation? What emotion are you feeling? What does that feeling remind you of? What age does that feel like? In the moments you feel the tiny stirring inside of fear or guilt — the emotions that feed the shame monster — I want you to begin a practice of calling the feelings out — on paper.

    Let the emotions and all the fears and the weird crazy stuff take on a physical form in black and white. Keep doing this. When you write about this feeling I want you to let it ramble — train of thought. It might just be scribble that you can barely tell make up words. The purpose behind this is that when you write something, you remove its power — you bring it out of your insides and you put it into the present external world. But as often as you possibly can — write down all the feelings you have when you begin to get fearful.

    As a general habit — regardless of the trigger moments, journal to yourself. Look at yourself in broad daylight. Reduce it to what it is: a thought. This miracle pill is the only thing you need to start helping yourself. Do it whenever you hurt and feel hopeless or powerless. Book yourself into a 12 step meeting. Go to an exercise class. Schedule a therapist appointment. Whatever you do — STOP the indulgence in the shame and self-loathing, because that validates it.

    Set up a list of these types of positive actions for yourself ahead of time so that you can just spring into action when your wits are not about you. This is my work-out assignment for you! What you want to begin to know or identify, is that during the times when you feel triggered or upset — and you would normally act out or bury your feelings, you can instead WITNESS them going on inside you — just watch them yelling or thrashing inside, and do nothing about them. You are not your thoughts and feelings, but when you react, you allow them to control you.

    Most of the time when we have powerful feelings we feel helpless against, we feel that we cannot change our reactions — when in reality, we just need to hone our ability to pause before doing anything. But no matter what it is, there are others who have faced the same thing and surpassed it — there are people who are weaker than you, less intelligent — with less resources. You are already on your way. You are not more broken than others or alone in your suffering. YOU will be the author of how you choose to integrate your darkness with the higher self. You get to choose how you want to address the feelings, and how they are allowed to change your life.

    And yes, it can be incredibly scary — not to know whether or not others will accept you or still love you through your growth. All you can do is start to work on yourself for them, and for you. This act comes from the best place possible. The fear of the outcome is a thousand times worse than the outcome. It loses its bite. Everything in life becomes simple around that truth. You get to choose how you want to integrate each emotion or impulse into your life. You get to decide who you choose to be, from your highest self.

    The self-abuse of lying is like a stab through the heart of anything good you might have felt about yourself. It is from the place of honesty and openness that new windows open for you to grow into a different person — a person you love. Who you are proud of. Who you can trust. So just begin this process for the sake of gaining inner peace — and at the very least — forgiving yourself. Before I close, I want to thank all of my monthly sponsors on Patreon and via my website — I appreciate you so much, thank you. I am so excited to know I am helping and I will continue to invest myself into this work, especially because you invested in me.

    The reason you arrived at this place is logical. The things you do come from a place inside you that make sense. You just need to walk toward the healing that needs to take place and from there — you can align who you want to be with who you are. You can become all of yourself, once again. That new self can choose what to do despite the fears. Despite the urges. Despite the pain of any truth. You will know how to manage your anxieties in a healthy way. You will know what to do to process them. You will know the reality of your own power. Best of all, you will be recognize who you truly are — and what that self truly wants.

    Our darkness holds the key to all our light. That sounds super touchy-feely, but truthfully — these areas are what unlock the most profound happiness and joy in your life, once you address the beliefs and let them go. You can unlock the bonus levels of life if you choose now to explore the purpose of this experience in your life. You will grow faster, make more dramatic change — and it will blossom your capacity for love and happiness. When I was in the darkest time of my life — I felt powerless against my own shame monster. The monster made me do terrible things to people I love, but mostly myself.

    What I want to tell you more than anything — is commit. No matter how hard it is how long it takes or how scared you are to hold onto things in your life. Because it is only when you treat your inner peace and happiness as a true goal, that you suddenly — for the first time in your life — can hear the solutions. Accept the challenge before you. Where you are right now — this managing of the pain and the fear and guilt and loss — this is the worst of it.

    Facing the battle is the scariest part.